For some time I have been wondering about my life. I know, soon my life will have a change. Iam an aquarian. I am used to flowing. A part of me is always elusive. Nothing can hold me. I believe in God . It is a feverish belief. I converse with God. I feel peace. For me life matters. I have dreams, hopes and aspirations. But Who Doesn't? I fulfill them only with prayers.

I see myself as alone in life. No one with me.Even when I was small. It is strange. I don't believe in fulfilling my dreams through someone else. Not even my husband. It doesn' t work out. Everyone is responsible for their own lives. It is selfish to burden someone else with your wantings .

For sometime now I feel I have to wait. I cannot want too much. I am at the crossroads. Waiting for something to happen.

Green blue, yellow.... all colours. Colours of life. Something must happen always. I don't know what?

Peace. Who is responsible for it?. We always blame others for our peaceless existence. What is more important than your mind?

My husband gives me a lift everyday to work. It is quite early in the morning. 7.30. Shouldn't I be then enjoying the beauty of the new day. The blue summer sky, the fresh green trees;all washed by the night's rain . No I prefer to brood and complain. My mind all tangled with thoughts of marriage and worries. I curse myself in a moment of realisation. What have I learnt then from all the readings?

If one is self contained nothing can hurt. It is important to keep certain doors closed. As long as the heart is opened to God nothing matters.